Walking to my Political Economy discussion section this morning, I knew today was going to be wonderful. I had curated the perfect sunny day playlist for my walk to Dwinelle—an impeccable balance of Taylor Swift and Fetty Wap—and was thoroughly enjoying the faint breeze in my hair. However, when I entered the stuffy classroom and sank into my usual seat, my positivity quickly faded as Ned the GSI waltzed into the room.

“Come on guys, I’m lonely up here!” joked Ned, clearly displeased by the lack of students sitting in the first row. Personally, I enjoyed sitting in the third row and had never needed to crowd myself around other students in this 10 a.m. section. 

But then Ned said the unthinkable: “We’re not starting class until everyone moves up to the front. Sit closer, I don’t bite!” I looked around at the five other students who still attend section, wondering if Ned really needed us to move closer. Was this another GSI power trip? I knew he wasn’t a biter, but he clearly underestimated the power of a now-annoyed undergraduate student who skipped breakfast this morning. Maybe I should teach him a lesson. My mouth began to water at the thought of sinking my canines into Ned’s freckled arm. The sound of his howl would truly be music to my ears as I’d leave him with a permanent tattoo of my chompers. Who is Ned to tell me what to do!? 

My daydream was quickly interrupted by the sound of my classmates shuffling to the front of the room; they were clearly nothing but sheep in Ned’s game. I looked around in disbelief before too resigning to my fate at the front of the classroom. Ned will pay for this one day, but for now, I focused on not letting this tragedy ruin the wonderful day I was so determined to have. Maybe Ned had a point about sitting in the front…

By the end of class, I had a plethora of knowledge I didn’t even know was possible. Ned was so right! My quality of learning drastically improved by moving six feet closer to the front of the classroom! Every speck of chalk on the whiteboard suddenly became crystal clear, and I instantly understood the nuances within embedded liberalism and American capitalism. Oh Ned, I am forever sorry for doubting your teaching capabilities. Maybe you deserve a love bite after all. 

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