“It’s discrimination and a miscarriage of justice through and through. It’s quite simple and plain in fact, unlike Costco’s delectable rotisserie chickens.”
Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood.
It’s a dangerous life. You’re always fighting demons, you’re seconds away from your insides exploding, and you’ve got to think twice before you eat at a mortal restaurant like Taco Bell. Believe me. But this is a warning—you can read the rest of this like it’s satire, and honestly, good for you. I wish I could do that. But if some of you feel a churning within while you’re reading, it’s a calling. You don’t have IBS, you’re a half-blood too.
▇▇ is one of my favorite study spots on campus. Ever since I found out about this place, I haven’t had to desperately circle around …
BERKELEY, CA. — Following three days of bedlam, UC Berkeley’s campus has been left strewn with debris from the lengthy, bacchanalian exodus of Phish fans. …
To celebrate the culmination of your four years of college, the university has decided to follow in the footsteps of Ticketmaster by price gouging its graduation tickets. But how can you determine if you should get $10, $15, $60, or no tickets for your family? Don’t worry, here’s a quiz to help you decide.
“We’re leveraging the potential of shovels in a way that’s never been done before,” said Diggs, his eyes gleaming with the light of a thousand PowerPoint presentations. “Our innovative approach will create unparalleled value for our customers while disrupting the traditional shovel market.”
“Tucker certainly left some big shoes to fill, but I am confident that I will live up to his legacy. To prepare for the role, I watched thirty-five hours of green M&M porn and spent eight years repeatedly writing the word ‘woke’ on a wall and then getting terrified by it.”
“It was the right decision by far,” began longtime SNL producer Lorne Michaels. “And I mean by far, like a far-right decision.”
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal history Professor Orn Ery pulled his GSI aside during lecture this past Thursday with some unrequested advice regarding their professional future, …
Happy Friday! Woo hoo! Finally, after a long, hard week, you can let loose. Tonight is all about having a good time. Like those people you overheard earlier talking about some ‘big party.’ That sounds fun! Maybe you should go? It could be awesome. But it could also be super lame. Don’t worry: just take this quiz.