“Teaching students is my part-time job – I’d rather work with my GSIs on groundbreaking research than explain basic supply and demand over and over again to these 19-year-old imbeciles,” asserted McCarthy. “Education, especially in economics, should be gatekept from those who don’t have the capacity to understand everything on the first try. Call that perfect competition.”
GBC Now Offering Marc Fisher’s Hard Lemonade
Traveling the slopes of Grizzly Peak and the rugged valleys of Strawberry Canyon, Marc Fisher has been searching for the most delectable lemons to create premium, top-shelf hard lemonade.
Double, Double Toil and Trouble: I Dissolved my Diva Cup in a Pot on the Stove
To prepare, I set my large cast iron rounded pot on the fire in my backyard and began filling my pot with various brews (water). My two closest friends (proximity-wise, not emotionally), came to join me (they left their rooms, we are roommates).
Parents Urging You to Take Better Care of Yourself Definitely After Your Organs
“A few years ago, I gave my dad one of my kidneys… the worst mistake of my life. I gave him a taste of low blood-toxicity, and ever since he’s been fiending for my second one. I don’t know what to do now. Last week he sent me an article claiming that ‘dialysis isn’t so bad’ and how I would ‘get on perfectly fine’ with ‘no functioning kidneys at all…’ Some days I catch him staring longingly at my abdomen, occasionally licking his lips with this terrifying glint in his eyes. I should have never gotten him hooked.”
False Advertising: Wurster Hall Has Disappointingly Few German Sausages
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a recent discovery that has shocked the campus community to their meat-stuffed innards, Wurster Hall is reported to be seriously lacking …
Forget the Seals: Stepping on UC Berkeley Campus Guarantees No Bitches
BERKELEY, Calif. – Students at UC Berkeley may have heard of the long standing superstitions about stepping on campus seals, but a recent groundbreaking study has uncovered the unfortunate effects of stepping on campus in general.
Head researcher, Lenny Munch, relays his team’s findings stating, “At first, we thought it was an unfortunate coincidence. There was nothing to suggest an underlying cause for Berkeley students to be, erm, unsuccessful in their romantic pursuits (besides the usual factors of bad hygiene, commitment issues, superiority complexes, crippling low self esteem — all things very natural and common for these students) but my! A little bit of creative investigation and wow, you really get a sense of what’s going on here, which is that absolutely nobody has got it going on. Put pejoratively, what a school of lonely bastards! What we uncovered is a strong, positive correlation definitively proving that being on this campus greatly depletes your ability to engage in non reproductive copulation, or any sort of copulation! And the most pressing discovery is that it’s unavoidable, even simply getting on campus means not getting off!
Danger Alert: This DKE Member Just Called You ‘The GOAT’
It’s a Saturday afternoon and you’re popping 3’s on the basketball court like a fucking demon when all of a sudden Bryce from DKE yells, “Jesus Christ, [insert your name here], you’re the fucking GOAT!”
OPINION: It’s Okay If You Have to Stop and Tie Your Shoes
Picture this in your noggin. You’re walking with your friends in a horizontal line so it’s really annoying for people to bypass you and then, …
OPINION: Why is it Called ‘Sweater Weather’ When it Hasn’t Rained Sweaters in Over 50 Years?
It’s that time of the year again – leaves falling off shivering trees, rain and clouds keeping a perpetually gray sky, temperatures dipping so low …
Student Blown Away by Consulting Club Promo
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid the buzz and crowds of tabling at UC Berkeley, eyewitnesses on Tuesday reported Berkeley freshman Otis Jennings flying approximately ten feet …