BERKELEY, Calif.– At a recent Stat 20 final exam review session, freshman Bahd Kydnee enthusiastically answered “no” to a GSI’s question about whether the p-value …
Locked in? Hardworking Student Still Stuck in Moffitt
BERKELEY, Calif – Since the closure of Moffitt (fan-favorite yapping spot and alleged “library”), students around campus have been forced to procrastinate literally everywhere elsewhere. …
Schrodinger’s Senior Thesis? If I Haven’t Started, Does the Deadline Even Really Exist?
Ok, Ok, hear me out. I know I’m writing this in late April. So what? You’re probably saying, “oh, isn’t the deadline in like five …
Haas Students at Cafe Think Not Doing Any of That
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a hard day of scrolling Instagram reels, learning multiplication tables, and saying “synergy,” Haas students astounded the rest of the Berkeley …
The Free Peach’s Pope Endorsements
VATICAN CITY – After the passing of the first non-European pope, Pope Francis, the Vatican has begun the search for his replacement. As a satirical …
Berkeley Co-op Rats Stage Crawl Out in Protest of Rent Increase
BERKELEY, Calif.– Following yet another controversial rent increase for the human Berkeley co-op residents, rodent residents of the co-ops are in an upsqeuak. Besides the …
‘Does Anyone Know What to Do????’ Asks Entire Nation
AMERICA – Following numerous events and incidents, people across the nation this week are collectively asking: “does anyone know what to do?” “I honestly have …
Opinion: Maybe It Really Was That Damn Phone
There I was, ready to write my next Peach article. Peak comedy, you might say. Laptop charged, iced coffee in hand, indie rock blaring. As …
JD Vance Honors American State Department By Killing Democratically Elected Foreign Leader
VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis tragically passed away earlier on Monday, but not before enduring an unbearable, thirty-minute meeting with National Backup Dancer and altar-boy-who-missed-his-cue, …
Students at Cal Experience Unprecedented Situation At Every Event Ever
BERKELEY, Calif.– On a Sweltering Tuesday evening on the first Sunday of April 20th, students at Cal buzzing after a local figure who had a …