I was leaving texts from my long-term medium-distance low-committment casual boy that’s a friend on delivered when I realized I had made the greatest advancement …
“Is Anyone Going Northside?” Asks Friend Group’s Weakest Link
BERKELEY, Calif. – Have you been left on read simultaneously by six of your closest college friends? Recent studies show it might not just be …
Graduating Senior Minoring in “School”
BERKELEY, Calif.– UC Berkeley Senior Sydney Qiu impressed family and friends by recently deciding to pursue a minor in ‘School’ in addition to her major …
Haas Student Disappointed to Learn “Appreciating Assets” Isn’t Just Liking Bikini Pictures on Instagram
BERKELEY, Calif.– In UGBA 135, Business Administration sophomore and “Tycoon Consulting” social chair Jake Thompson was seen falling to his knees in Chou Hall after …
Kendrick Lamar Concert Scheduled to be Interrupted by Chiefs and Eagles Game
On Sunday, February 9th, the world will sit back and watch the culmination of a battle that’s been brewing since the summer of 2024: Kendrick …
Princess And The Pea? Kingman Girl Finds Soybean Under Her Mattress
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal senior Rea Cycling awoke Sunday morning with mild back discomfort, only to uncover the culprit: a lone soybean hidden beneath her …
Report: American Cultures Requirement Expected to End Racism by 2030
BERKELEY, Calif. — Despite claims of “reducing all systemic injustice to a 3-unit P/NP class,” a new report from political think tank colorBLIND suggests Berkeley’s …
Little Special Snowflake Uses Rockridge BART Station Instead of Downtown Berkeley
BERKELEY, Calif. – While most residents of Berkeley use the Downtown Berkeley BART station to commute to and from the city, little special snowflake and …
UC Berkeley Archeology Students Discover Remnants of Cafés 1 & 2
BERKELEY, CA.– A heating lamp, a silver serving tray, and questionably cooked eggs. These priceless artifacts were discovered by a team of UC Berkeley archaeologists …
‘Trump Just Runs the Economy Better,’ Says Man Who Failed Econ 1
AN AMERICA THAT’S GETTING GREATER BY THE SECOND – Confidence was in the air as Jeremy Smith waltzed out of his first Econ 1 class …