BERKELEY, Calif. – After a hard day of scrolling Instagram reels, learning multiplication tables, and saying “synergy,” Haas students astounded the rest of the Berkeley …
The Free Peach’s Pope Endorsements
VATICAN CITY – After the passing of the first non-European pope, Pope Francis, the Vatican has begun the search for his replacement. As a satirical …
Berkeley Co-op Rats Stage Crawl Out in Protest of Rent Increase
BERKELEY, Calif.– Following yet another controversial rent increase for the human Berkeley co-op residents, rodent residents of the co-ops are in an upsqeuak. Besides the …
‘Does Anyone Know What to Do????’ Asks Entire Nation
AMERICA – Following numerous events and incidents, people across the nation this week are collectively asking: “does anyone know what to do?” “I honestly have …
Opinion: Maybe It Really Was That Damn Phone
There I was, ready to write my next Peach article. Peak comedy, you might say. Laptop charged, iced coffee in hand, indie rock blaring. As …
JD Vance Honors American State Department By Killing Democratically Elected Foreign Leader
VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis tragically passed away earlier on Monday, but not before enduring an unbearable, thirty-minute meeting with National Backup Dancer and altar-boy-who-missed-his-cue, …
Students at Cal Experience Unprecedented Situation At Every Event Ever
BERKELEY, Calif.– On a Sweltering Tuesday evening on the first Sunday of April 20th, students at Cal buzzing after a local figure who had a …
Investigative: Study Finds if Your Edible Hasn’t Hit, You Should Take 2 to 3 More
BERKELEY, Calif.- A groundbreaking new study from the UC Berkeley Institute for Delayed Consequences and Medicinal Misinformation has confirmed what thousands of college students and …
BREAKING: You Coughed. Everyone Noticed. They’re Talking About It.
TOKELAND, Calif. — The blunt had barely kissed his lips when freshman Jimmy Pendrix took one hit, exhaled, and immediately let out a ruptured-lung cough …
Scientists Discover New Sativa Strain to Help Man Remember Every Mistake Since 2008
BERKELEY, Calif.– Scientists at Berkeley’s premier cannabis research institute, the Rausser College of Natural Resources, have successfully developed a new sativa strain that forces users …