BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite being a long-standing follower of the controversial Happy Fun Time Feelings Always organization (HFTFA), cult member Daniel Coventry has been totally …
“Yeah kid, I don’t know what to tell you. We tried communicating with the spirit by yelling out, ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT?’ and it said, ‘I want it right there.’”
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal Freshman Lucca Wallace was rudely awakened in a Unit 3 dorm by her bottom bunk rhythmically shaking this past Tuesday. Sources …
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a summer of record-breaking heat waves, intense hurricanes, and massive floods around the world, climate scientists are unanimous in agreement that …
His technique was clinical. The boy and the bike flew together in harmony. The velocipede had become univocal in the man’s being. He’s probably a Rhetoric major.
BERKELEY, Calif. – After years of begging for disability accommodations, campus super senior Ash Jensen was miraculously cured of their chronic illness when their philosophy professor proclaimed that they were a failed econ quiz.
“3,” Best Random Number Generator declared in an official statement last Friday. The report marks a notable shift from Best Random Number Generator’s previous statements: “12,” “46,” and “7.”
“I keep trying to tell my mom that Rishi Sunak is just another corporate-backed austerity fiend who will defund public programs and oppose organized labor, but all she sees is a ‘good Indian boy’ who is Prime Minister while I am not,” said EECS student Daniel Anthony.
BERKELEY, Calif. – Members of the Applied Satire department were mortified early Wednesday morning to discover the floating Orb of Doom (no, not the Evans one) in the upper right-hand corner of CalCentral: a Hold on their account.
Fall is in the air. You can feel it. Leaves change from a summer-y, Michael’s sage-scented candle green to a dark, Homegoods Halloween candle orange. The air turns just brisk enough to bring out your regular black stockings instead of your fishnet ones, and the trees along Sproul Plaza start looking like the Whomping Willow from the Harry Potter smut you love to read.