Holy SMOKES you guys – we’ve gotten a copy of the University of Spoiled Children application from That One White Woman From Full House’s Daughter, Olivia Jade! After her parents spent half a million dollars to buy her a spot at USC, it’s important to make her application transparent:
Short answer questions:
- Describe yourself in three words: Betch, caucasian, generationally wealthy. Oops! That was 4 words! Silly me~
- What is your favorite snack? Anything our assembly of lesser paid domestic workers makes for me. Usually two carrots and a micrometer of hummus for protein 🙂 Have to keep up my figure xx
- Favorite app/website: USC.EDU! GO TROJINS!
- Best movie of all time: Clueless! I love Iggy Azalea in that movie!
- Hashtag to describe yourself: #rich and #disinterested in making it seem otherwise!
- Dream job: Making money off of my social capital 🙂
- What is your theme song? “Rich Girl” by Gwen Stefani! The lyrics really speak to me.
- Dream trip: I’ve already been to every landmass known to man, so I’d love to go somewhere more modest and like, low-income even. Like Santa Barbara or something.
- What TV show will you binge watch next? Probably Full House! I love looking at media of my mom when she was almost as hot as I am right now!
- Place you are most content? In wealthy coastal enclaves surrounded by others who have inherited material resources and access to institutions! Just like ME!
Supplemental Essay (250 words max):
Question 3: What is something about yourself that is essential to understanding you?
My social media feeds and YouTube channel are exceptionally well-curated. I have carefully constructed a facade of happiness and relatability since I began vlogging when I was 14 years old. Certainly, my millions of followers, and perhaps even best friends, think they can and do understand me by watching a video of my morning makeup routine or following a Twitter AMA. By their naïve compulsion to live vicariously through me, they have all bought the great lie of my life: I am neither happy nor relatable.
It’s the latter that is essential to truly understanding me. I am, in no way, relatable – to the average plebian, at least. What do you make annually as an admissions officer? $50,000, if you’re lucky? I’ve been making triple that by posting pictures on Instagram for three years. My mommy was on Full House. My daddy is a fashion designer. They’ve already spent ten times your salary on a bribe for the athletics director to get me into this school.
And here’s the kicker: I don’t even care about college! I just want a socially acceptable place to party and network with similarly attractive, wealthy white people. And honestly, I don’t care that much if I’m taking the place of a hardworking, lower-income student of color because my parents’ money entitles me a spot at the University of Southern California.
Sure, if I get backlash for saying that I’ll make an apology video, but the truth is: I’m so privileged, I’m untouchable.