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Wow! We Got Our Hands’ On Olivia Jade’s USC Application!

After her parents spent half a million dollars to buy her a spot at USC, it’s important to make her application transparent!

Holy SMOKES you guys – we’ve gotten a copy of the University of Spoiled Children application from That One White Woman From Full House’s Daughter, Olivia Jade! After her parents spent half a million dollars to buy her a spot at USC, it’s important to make her application transparent:

Short answer questions:

  1. Describe yourself in three words: Betch, caucasian, generationally wealthy. Oops! That was 4 words! Silly me~
  2. What is your favorite snack? Anything our assembly of lesser paid domestic workers makes for me. Usually two carrots and a micrometer of hummus for protein 🙂 Have to keep up my figure xx
  3. Favorite app/website: USC.EDU! GO TROJINS!
  4. Best movie of all time: Clueless! I love Iggy Azalea in that movie!
  5. Hashtag to describe yourself: #rich and #disinterested in making it seem otherwise!
  6. Dream job: Making money off of my social capital 🙂
  7. What is your theme song? “Rich Girl” by Gwen Stefani! The lyrics really speak to me.
  8. Dream trip: I’ve already been to every landmass known to man, so I’d love to go somewhere more modest and like, low-income even. Like Santa Barbara or something.
  9. What TV show will you binge watch next? Probably Full House! I love looking at media of my mom when she was almost as hot as I am right now!
  10. Place you are most content? In wealthy coastal enclaves surrounded by others who have inherited material resources and access to institutions! Just like ME!

Supplemental Essay (250 words max):

Question 3: What is something about yourself that is essential to understanding you?

My social media feeds and YouTube channel are exceptionally well-curated. I have carefully constructed a facade of happiness and relatability since I began vlogging when I was 14 years old. Certainly, my millions of followers, and perhaps even best friends, think they can and do understand me by watching a video of my morning makeup routine or following a Twitter AMA. By their naïve compulsion to live vicariously through me, they have all bought the great lie of my life: I am neither happy nor relatable.

It’s the latter that is essential to truly understanding me. I am, in no way, relatable – to the average plebian, at least. What do you make annually as an admissions officer? $50,000, if you’re lucky? I’ve been making triple that by posting pictures on Instagram for three years. My mommy was on Full House. My daddy is a fashion designer. They’ve already spent ten times your salary on a bribe for the athletics director to get me into this school.

And here’s the kicker: I don’t even care about college! I just want a socially acceptable place to party and network with similarly attractive, wealthy white people. And honestly, I don’t care that much if I’m taking the place of a hardworking, lower-income student of color because my parents’ money entitles me a spot at the University of Southern California.

Sure, if I get backlash for saying that I’ll make an apology video, but the truth is: I’m so privileged, I’m untouchable.

Chou! xoxo

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