“I couldn’t keep myself from fattening, roasting, and devouring every single child that happened upon my gingerbread house as soon as they fell for my trap. I had terrible impulse control, and it was starting to affect my cholesterol.”
I don’t care about being rich or famous or any of that typical bullshit Satan promises. Certainly not enough to sacrifice Amanda, my eight-year-old daughter.
The 1st of May always means one thing: Finals Season has begun. Dead Week and Finals Week are right around the corner and students are …
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April Fool’s Day! Our favorite holiday of the year. Nothing says “LOL” like telling your boyfriend Jack that you’re over, and then saying April Fool’s, then him being like “no, I think this is the right path for us.” Anyway, here’s 35 Quirky April Fools Jokes!
Where to begin? I am free, untethered, uninhibited by this mortal coil and the bounds of acceptable social behaviors.
After her parents spent half a million dollars to buy her a spot at USC, it’s important to make her application transparent!
And it is due to that experience that I can no longer sit idly by as brothers of the Delta Kappa Epsilon Fraternity are stigmatized for their alleged goat-based paraphilia.
Okay, okay. So you’re all upset that we gave Green Book the Oscar for Best Picture. Hell, some of our members here at the Academy probably are too. But before you throw a temper tantrum, just listen:
What did you expect?
“The second you said you loved me I got, like, super turned off.”