Vampires get a bad rap, being blood-sucking fiends of the night and all. But if they have anything going for them, it’s that the vast majority respect women more than your average frat bro. Crazy, but true!

  1. Vampires won’t send you an unsolicited dick pic. Even if they tried, you’d probably just receive a phone floating in front of a mirror.
  2. Vampires cannot ghost you, for they are immortal.
  3. Due to the nature of their sleeping quarters, it would be hypocritical for a vampire to try to put you in a box.
  4. Vampires would enthusiastically have period sex. No towel needed. Come to think of it, drinking period blood is a pretty non-invasive way for vampires to feed, with lots of demand and exclusively female-generated supply. There’s a market to corner there, ladies.
  5. The vampiric castle often contains booby traps mostly to maintain a spooky reputation. On the other hand, the fraternity house is designed to literally be a booby trap.
  6. Vampires, because of their heightened sense of hearing, are excellent listeners.
  7. Most vampires shape-shift into bats, while most fraternity brothers shape shift into seemingly good people.
  8. Vampires can’t come inside without your permission.

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