“We promise that this will never happen again because while we’re not going to address the deep-rooted homophobia and toxic masculinity in our organization, you can be damn-well sure we’ll be quieter next time!”
Shocking: UC Berkeley Fraternity Organizes Volleyball Tournament for Charity
“We actually lost a lot of money doing this event,” claimed (ΒΜΠ) Philanthropy chair Trevor Blench, “the sand cost us like $7,000. It seems a little ridiculous in hindsight when there is a perfectly good beach volleyball court a few blocks away. But fuck it, now we have sand in our backyard how epic is that! So much beer die and Spikeball opportunity.”
Do You Have Regular Herpes Or Coachella Herpes?
Normal Herpes is exactly what you know Herpes to already be, while Coachella Herpes can be identified by cold sores with floppy hats on or obscene amounts of glitter in the genital region. Take this quiz to figure out if you have normal Herpes or Coachella Herpes!
Free Speech Under Attack: Where Was Milton When UCBMFET Refused to Publish My Meme?
I’m waiting, Milton. What do you have to say for yourself?
7 Facts About Finals Season at UC Berkeley
The 1st of May always means one thing: Finals Season has begun. Dead Week and Finals Week are right around the corner and students are …
10 Ways To Justify Your 13 Section Absences In Your Course Taught Exclusively In Socratic Seminar
Fear not, we’ve come up with 10 unique ways to convey your 14% attendance rate to your GSI, Marvin.
I Didn’t Find Housing In Time, So Now I Live In The Cartoon Depression Hole From The Abilify Commercial
But also, I’m like, leaving for study abroad in the fall so if someone wants to take over my lease that would be chill. DM for details.
10 Things You Can Finally Do Now That You’ve Been Disqualified from the ASUC Senate
Not to worry! Here are some things you can do with your newfound disqualification from the ASUC!
What You Need To Know Before You Watch Endgame!
The biggest cinema event of a generation came out this week! Here’s what you need to know before you watch!
If You Do Not Fill Out Your Course Evaluation, I Will Unilaterally Wage Jihad (By Your Professor)
I realize that my implicit association of the concept of jihad with the acts of political violence I will definitely inflict on you if you don’t fill out your course evaluation has the ultimate effect of fostering links between Islam and terrorism. As you have guessed, I don’t care, because I am Islamophobic.