Not again! For the thirteenth time, you’ve missed out on your Rhetoric Seminar! Taught exclusively in a Socratic seminar format with only twelve other students, your chronic absenteeism goes beyond hindering your ability to succeed academically but also degrades the classroom discussion dynamic as a whole. But fear not, we’ve come up with 10 unique ways to convey your 14% attendance rate to your GSI, Marvin.

  1. “Marvin, I am so sorry. I was watching the 1997 film, Air Bud!”
  2. Air Bud is a 1997 American-Canadian comedy film!”
  3. “That sparked the franchise centered on the real-life dog Air Buddy, a cross-bred Golden Retriever, who shoots basketball hoops and appears as Buddy!”
  4. “The film received mixed reviews. It holds a Rotten Tomatoes score of 45% based on 22 reviews, with an average rating of 4.8/10.”
  5. “I really like Air Bud and feel that the film itself is a macropolitical commentary on the captivity of dogs such as Buddy within deeply gendered and heteronormative suburban family structures.”
  6. “Also, I am mourning the fact that the dog, Buddy, is probably dead by now.”
  7. “It also troubles me that Buddy played so many sports.”
  8. “How can he possibly play six sports?”
  9. “Did you train him?”
  10. “Is this going to be discussed in class?”

When you finally convey to Marvin that you are NOT skipping class to lay in bed and let the anxiety of being alive consume you, but that you ARE deeply critical of a children’s film franchise about a golden retriever, we’re certain he will excuse like 7 of your absences!

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