In the latest news regarding the spike in general incest amongst Americans, a Florida man has been arrested for having sex with an Olaf doll in a supermarket in St. Petersburg. While many were unsurprised by the act after learning that the man was indeed, from Florida, this deviant act is yet another nail in the coffin for the chaos Frozen 2 has caused throughout the country. The perpetrators father went on to say that he “has a history of this type of behavior” in a later statement given to the police. 

Does this Florida man have siblings? 

If he is okay fucking the brains out of a sentient snowman, who knows what other types of influence this man has garnered from the Frozen franchise? 

Americans must stay vigilant of men like this in order to combat the general incestuous stupor surrounding the release of this Disney movie. Would Walt be proud of us? Next thing you know, Elias Disney rises from the dead and fucks Walt’s cryogenically frozen head. Absolutely bonkers. 

I think that we should heed the advice of the Lorax in preparation for the doomsday that will be the release night of Frozen 2. “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to change. It’s not.”

Wait fuck, that’s Dr. Seuss, not Disney. 

The Olaf doll was promptly destroyed after the Florida man’s acts, sending a signal to Floridians statewide that doing things like that is not okay. There really should be different laws that Floridians exclusively have to follow. Shame on them. 

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