So you woke up this morning, refreshed and ready for a new dawn, only to find that you texted your crush “Come find me, big boy” at 2 am…with no response.
The Star Signs as Spoons
Astrology? More like astrolog-eats, am I right? Ha ha. What spoon are you, based on the day of your birth?? Only the stars—and this Free …
“How Can Medieval Knights Continue Making The Same Tactical Blunders And Expect Different Outcomes?” Says Poli Sci Student Texting Ex During Lecture
Making the same silly mistakes over and over again without ever learning or changing. I would never do something so stupid.
Anyway, today I texted Brad.
BREAKING: Sproul Be Crowded
Sproul Plaza, the thoroughfare that serves as the campus’ south entrance, in fact be crowded sometimes.
“I’m Tired of Being Seen For My Tits and Ass!” Local Woman Demands Compliment on Her Left Labia Next Time
Every time I’m with a man, he tells me that he loves playing with my boobs or that my butt is perfect. I’m so tired of not being valued for more. Why can’t they compliment me for my left labia?
Opinion: The Fecund Melisma of Saturnine Parlance Is An Enervated Corpus Delicti of Contemporary Ontological Praxis (By That Guy From Section)
We’re all thinking it, but I guess I have to be the one to say it: the fecund melisma of saturnine parlance is an enervated corpus delicti of modern ontological praxis.
Your Weekend Horoscope
Mercury is in flavortown and you know what that means… The Free Peach does horoscopes now! You’re welcome. Scroll for your weekend horoscope!
The Official Ranking of My Roommates (Spoiler Alert: Rebecca is the Fucking Worst)
Olivia is a gem of a roommate: she’s neat, considerate, very quiet when getting ready in the morning, and one time she bought you that Black Bottom muffin from Strada just because she thought of you. We love Olivia, and every day we thank the lord that she is who she is, and not Rebecca.
BREAKING: Spike In Incest Porn Popularity After The Release of Frozen 2 Trailer
The clues are all there. In the new trailer, Anna and Elsa are shown venturing into the “Forbidden Forest.” You know what else is considered “forbidden”? INCEST!
Frat Row is Haunted by the Tiny Ghosts of Thousands of Goldfishes Swallowed by KA Pledges, and We Hired a Team of Paranormal Investigators to Prove it
As this publication is renowned for its hard-hitting investigative journalism, The Free Peach hired a team of paranormal investigators to assess the situation.