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The Free Peach

Peachy keen satire from the home of the Free Speech Movement

Posted on December 9, 2019December 9, 2019 by: Daniel Menegaz

I Went All the Way Out to Office Hours but There Wasn’t Even Sexual Tension Between Me and My GSI

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Posted on November 14, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Beauty Routine Includes Wearing a Lanyard Like a Lost Freshman to Stay Youthful

I’ve tried countless anti-aging serums, under-eye creams, and even botox. But nothing has ever made me appear so youthful as wearing a lanyard like a lost Berkeley freshman!

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Posted on November 13, 2019November 13, 2019 by: The Free Peach

A Day In The Life of the FBI Man In My Webcam

The American public is under constant surveillance, and social media only aids in these pursuits. Mark Zuckerberg is sitting on a huge cache of my …

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Posted on November 11, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Miracles Happen: Assignment Completed Early

We at The Free Peach would like to mention that these events happened last week, not this week.

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Posted on November 9, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Mastering The Art of Asking A Question That’s Actually a Statement — A Manifesto

My peers ask me this all the time. “Why can’t you just ask a question like everybody else?” and “Why do you insist on taking up space?”

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Posted on November 8, 2019November 8, 2019 by: Daniel Menegaz

$400 Noise Cancelling Headphones Purchased to Avoid Confronting Roommate About Having Sex While He Thinks Everyone’s Asleep

“I can hear my asshole neighbor screaming ‘Thank god everyone’s asleep! I needed to nut so badly, baby.’”

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Posted on November 8, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Carol Christ Announces Huge New Construction Project: “It’s an Ant Farm. We’re Finally Going to Do Something With All of These Ants.”

She turned to our staff writer with sudden anger, “It’s all these crumbs.”

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Posted on November 7, 2019November 7, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Heartwarming: SAE Member Converts to Judaism so he can Miss Class on Rosh Hashanah

We at The Free Peach are personally looking forward to shadowing Mr. Murray, soon to be Chadberg Michaelberg Murrayberg

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Posted on November 6, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Pick a Date for Date Party and We’ll Tell You Which of Your Friends He’s Fucked!

Pick a Date for Date Party and We’ll Tell You Which of Your Friends He’s Fucked!

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Posted on November 6, 2019 by: The Free Peach

Spotify Playlist to Listen to as Your Laptop Gets Stolen

Our specially curated playlist features the exact songs you want to be listening to as you turn your attention away from your laptop and someone swipes it and drives away in a car.

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Posted on November 2, 2019November 2, 2019 by: The Free Peach

New Study Finds Cigarette Smoking Linked to Wanting to Get the Fuck out of Conversation

Fortunately, with the Air Quality Index at the level it is right now in Berkeley, you no longer need to buy cigarettes- all you have to do to get that sweet, sweet buzz is stand outside for 30 seconds.

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