I’ve tried countless anti-aging serums, under-eye creams, and even botox. But nothing has ever made me appear so youthful as wearing a lanyard like a lost Berkeley freshman!
The American public is under constant surveillance, and social media only aids in these pursuits. Mark Zuckerberg is sitting on a huge cache of my …
We at The Free Peach would like to mention that these events happened last week, not this week.
My peers ask me this all the time. “Why can’t you just ask a question like everybody else?” and “Why do you insist on taking up space?”
“I can hear my asshole neighbor screaming ‘Thank god everyone’s asleep! I needed to nut so badly, baby.’”
She turned to our staff writer with sudden anger, “It’s all these crumbs.”
We at The Free Peach are personally looking forward to shadowing Mr. Murray, soon to be Chadberg Michaelberg Murrayberg
Pick a Date for Date Party and We’ll Tell You Which of Your Friends He’s Fucked!
Our specially curated playlist features the exact songs you want to be listening to as you turn your attention away from your laptop and someone swipes it and drives away in a car.
Fortunately, with the Air Quality Index at the level it is right now in Berkeley, you no longer need to buy cigarettes- all you have to do to get that sweet, sweet buzz is stand outside for 30 seconds.