LOS ANGELES – Following Spotify releasing users’ annual Spotify Wrappeds today, music experts from Pitchfork, Rolling Stone, and the deepest sweatiest corners of 4chan have …
Berkeley Man Says Land Acknowledgment Before Calling His Ex a Bitch
BERKELEY, Calif.– Last Friday at Kips, the bi-weekly support group for “Men with Psychotic Ex-Girlfriends” gathered around a massive fishbowl cocktail. Leading the group’s discussion …
Turn Your Thanksgiving Into a ThanksTAKING: Advice on Empowerment and Self Love
I don’t know about y’all, but being home for the holidays isn’t exactly a piece of cake. From the corny expectations to be grateful to …
Daily Cal Launching New Weekly Column: Celibacy in the City
BERKELEY, Calif. Following the summertime success of the 1998 television phenomenon, Sex and the City, UC Berkeley’s Daily Californian has launched a new weekly sex(less) …
“Arcane Season 2 Finale?” Ask Nerds Confused About Saturday Anticipation
BERKELEY, Calif. – This Saturday, many Berkeley and Stanford students alike will gather to root for their respective football teams to win the Big Game. …
“Did Someone Say Bonfire?” Asks White Childish Gambino Fan Too Enthusiastically
BERKELEY, Calif. – After overhearing his roommates talk about attending the pre-Big Game Bonfire Rally without him, White Childish Gambino fan and generally disliked student …
Healthcare Wizard? Dr. Oz Proclaims Americans Must Defeat Wicked Witch to Claim Medicare Coverage
WASHINGTON, D.C – In a stupefying turn of events, President-elect Trump has officially nominated Dr. Mehemet “The Great and Terrible” Oz to oversee Medicare, prompting …
Friend Comes Out as Freaky Through Instagram Reel Likes
BERKELEY, Calif – Through Instagram’s display of accounts who have liked a certain reel, senior Samantha Jones was shocked to discover that her friend nicknamed …
Tap Haus Collaborates with Fort Knox in Groundbreaking Security Overhaul
BERKELEY, Calif. – Thanks to a new partnership with Fort Knox, Tap Haus is enhancing their security to guard their prestigious 3.8-star Yelp rating. While …
Student Named ‘Nobel Laureate’ Disappointed to Find Their Car Towed
BERKELEY, Calif. – It’s easy to think that parking enforcers are out to get you, specifically. To Nobel Laureate, a pre-Haas freshman, this feeling is …