BERKELEY, Calif. – In a recent Econ 100A discussion section, sophomore Joseph Smith confidently explained to his peers that as an Econ major, he is morally superior to business majors despite him being a terrible human being.
“These business majors, am I right? They’re super dumb and evil. Like, everything they do is harmful to humanity,” said Smith, holding a book by Milton Friedman titled: Why the Poor Don’t Deserve Clean Water. “Yeah, like they’re all frat bros and they ride their e-scooters and stuff. I mean, I used to have one but I broke it in a fit of rage after seeing a person give their friend a birthday present because that’s not an economically rational thing to do. I would never do such a stupid thing if I were to have friends.”
“Look, it’s basic economics. We shouldn’t have a minimum wage because when the lines intersect and they add the other lines, there’s less area to shade in with my crayon,” explained Smith unprompted. “I did get a B- in Econ 1 but like, it’s just because that class is way too partisan and I’m a rational consumer so I’m above that,” he added adjusting his Ronald Reagan-themed jacket pin.
“I mean, obviously business majors are a menace to society but Joseph is also one of the biggest douchebags I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting. One time he tried to correct the professor by standing up in the middle of class and saying that we should tax the rich less because they’re smarter,” stated Smith’s classmate Cecilia Su. “We weren’t even talking about taxes either. It was super awkward because no one acknowledged him and he also wouldn’t sit back down.”
Professor Jim Campbell also detailed his experiences with Smith:
“One time he came to my office hours, sat down, and said ‘yup, you’re right. I’m the guy that outsmarted the economics professor because I’m one of the few people on earth who can actually divorce morality from economics because if we just allowed markets to be free, we wouldn’t have any issues economically.’ He just went on for like an hour straight and then left without me replying. I think he thought if he just kept saying ‘economically’ over and over again it would have to be true. Still somehow not worse than the Haas kids though.”
At his most recent discussion section class, Smith was reported telling his GSI that she “needs to think about how the strike will impact shareholders.”