​​Haas Senior Watches Squid Game, Has Innovative Startup Idea

Berkeley, Calif – Haas senior Drew Balzarian struck inspiration while watching Squid Game recently. 

“I don’t usually watch TV, I’m too busy checking my Robinhood portfolio and mansplaining venture capital to first year girls I wanna trying to fuck. I don’t know why it’s a movie and not a business model. The dumbass director probably didn’t even care how much money he could make off of this. People keep saying ‘it’s satire,’ but it doesn’t have to be! I have 50 SF VC funds who are interested right now! Jeff Bezos offered to host it on The Moon so we don’t run into the mistakes we saw in the series.”

Berkeley Halloween Shops Sell Out of Skeleton Costumes Weeks Early, For Some Reason

Although weeks remain before Halloween, Berkeley’s costume shops have sold out of skeleton costumes, business owners report. 

“It’s the weirdest thing,” Party City franchisee Alvin Bean recounted. “Normally these college kids don’t start buying costumes until the day they’re supposed to start drinking. Even then, the only skeleton costumes we usually move are the Skeleslut 2000s, with their patent-pending Realistic Skeletit Technology™. Then on Friday, a bunch of kids in turtlenecks came in and bought out all my cheapest stock.”

Bold! Business Student Discovers NFTS, Quits School to Continue Doing Nothing

“Oh, you want to know more about NFT’s?” former Haas student Sasha Arnold asked. “Yeah, they’re this up-and-coming, super low-key, niche thing that’s happening in the blockchain community. Yeah, you probably haven’t heard about it, like, it’s really up-and-coming, still in its early stages, if you know you know, but I really just see it as a long-term investment. Oh, wait, sorry, so rude of me not to ask, do you want a high-level explanation of what blockchain is?”