1. You and Your Friends Are Terribly Boring
Refusing to move to the back of the bus because you want to stand in the aisle next to your friends? The next time this happens, please remember that your conversation about the Very Real and Legitimate Work you do for the Berkeley Investment Group is neither real nor important. You are not the main character, you’re an extra who forgot their line and won’t stop spouting nonsense.
2. Move For the Silent Generation Before They Start Yelling
I know you think that you’re paying homage to Rosa Parks by refusing to get up from the front of the bus, but you’re actually just being a jerk. You’ll say “Oh, but Amy, I’ll get up for someone who’s pregnant or visibly disabled, I’m not a terrible person!” Yes, you are. If you see someone who looks like they’ll disintegrate into a pile of bones the next time there’s a sudden stop, offer your seat.
3. Your Backpack Is Not Tired After A Long Day
It’s a shocking revelation, but your bags and backpacks don’t deserve their own seat on a full bus. Place them in your lap like a cherished lapdog, and marvel at how this simple act transforms you from a public enemy to a considerate citizen. Who knew common courtesy could be so compact?
4. Pull the Wire, not a Tantrum
Not pulling the wire to signal the bus to stop and then throwing a tantrum when the bus doesn’t stop is a bold strategy. It’s like playing chicken with the bus driver, but the only thing at stake is your dignity. While we’re on the topic of bus drivers, it would not kill you to say “thank you” to the person who makes sure you can get to class on time because you’re too lazy to wake up early and walk.
5. We Don’t Want To See Your Haul
Opening your groceries from Berkeley Bowl on the ride home might feel like an unboxing video, but please remember, nobody subscribed to your channel. Keep the suspense of what’s in your organic, non-GMO, no-bitches, gluten-free grocery bag until you get home.
6. This Is Not Southwest
If there’s an empty window seat and the bus is filling up, slide over. This isn’t a Southwest flight where you get to claim your territory. Instead, try thinking of it as a game of musical chairs where everyone’s a winner as long as you scooch over.