MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram has ████ mentions of █████ in the recent reporting of the ██████-████ ████ due to █████ of █████ █████. Some …
Oopsies! Cal Admissions Accidentally Accepts YOU
In a stunning turn of events, the University of California, Berkeley, has made a groundbreaking error in its admissions process. The prestigious institution accidentally admitted you, a regular student, instead of the usual line-up of geniuses, valedictorians, taekwondo red belts, and future Nobel Prize winners.
US Loses Brazilian Presidential Election
São Paulo, Brazil – In a highly contested election, the United States has officially lost its re-election to Lula de Silva, despite multiple destabilization efforts, …
Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …
If Babies Aren’t Racist, Then Why Didn’t They Post a Black Square on Instagram?
WASHINGTON – Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, the self-described first Hispanic Asian-American in Congress, is under heat for asking Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson …
Berkeley Mask Mandate Reinstated After Seeing Your Face
BERKELEY, Calif. — After extensive pushback from the local community relating to concerns of corneal damage after seeing your face, the UC Berkeley administration has …
Class No Longer Optional
BERKELEY, Calif. — To the dismay of Cal students, University Chancellor Carol Christ has officially ended the two-week extension of Winter Break and announced that …
Carol Christ Throws It Back
BERKELEY, Calif. — In an unprecedented turn of precedented events, Chancellor Christ has announced that classes will be online for the first two weeks of …
Fuck, There Went All Our “We Lost” Jokes
STANFORD, Calif.- Despite the best efforts of the Stanford Football Team and COVID-19, somehow the Bears clutched a narrow 41-11 victory this weekend. “I just …