CABO SAN LUCAS – Despite spending his spring break actively harassing Cabo San Lucas residents and exploiting all their local resources, Chi Psi brother Mag Uhh complained profusely about how Mexican immigrants to the United States are destroying the country.
“Bro, they’re just coming in, getting all these government handouts, committing crimes, and ruining our culture,” explained Uhh while snorting cocaine and punching strangers in his resort’s pool. “Sure, Trump isn’t a great guy, but he understands that we have to preserve whi…I mean American values. Like, look at this town, the second you leave the hotel, you hear people speaking Mexican instead of English. We don’t have that problem back where I’m from in San Diego.”
Uhh’s frat brothers and fellow terrorizers of Cabo San Lucas echoed his sentiments.
“Mag is fucking spot on as usual. The border is completely open and people are pouring in. We really gotta build that wall so these leeches don’t steal our hard earned tax dollars,” said Chet Madoff, grandson of famed financial fraudster and multi-billionaire Bernie Madoff. “Like sure, I don’t currently have a job, but I still earned that money cuz I gave grandad tons of ideas. But like, good ones, not the bad ones.”
Following his spring break trip to Mexico, Uhh posted highlights of the trip on Instagram with the caption “Why aren’t there more tacos like these in the U.S?”