WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another bald-faced lie, former U.S. President Donald J. Trump claimed he would be arrested on Tuesday despite his decades-long track …
Breaking: Student Delivering Condoms on Duffl Scooter Fails to Come Before I Do
“I came as fast as I could!” exclaimed Cooper distraughtly the next morning, normally an expert at coming quickly. “I am extremely passionate about Duffling, and I feel great defeat that I was beat in this challenging race. As it’s written in neon lights outside our homebase, ‘Duffl Fucks,’ but last night, I feel as if I got fucked, hard.”