I was having another dreary morning as I forced my dumpy ass to trudge all the way up to fucking Etcheverry for a discussion section. On my way, I noticed a friend walking in the opposite direction – nothing out of the ordinary, since we often bump into each other. But to my utter amazement and joy, she did something she’s never done before: she took out BOTH of her earbuds to talk to me!!!!!
“Wow, it’s so good to see you!” exclaimed my friend, Multie Taskington. Her ears were delightfully bare while she actually smiled and made eye contact with me. “You know, before this, I’d decided that the Frank Ocean album playing on Spotify that I’ve listened to at least one thousand times as background noise was way more interesting than having a two-minute conversation with you about how they forgot the milk in your latte this morning. But today, I’ve looked at my friendship procurement metrics and have decided to promote you from one-earbud-out friend to both-earbuds-out friend. This upgraded interaction level is designed to optimize our conversational exchange – don’t get too used to it, though! This is a limited-time offer, subject to change based on my mood and the quality of my boba and random playlist. But today, you’ll receive my undivided attention – let’s touch base about how we’re feeling about UGBA 5B: Steal from the Poor and those noisy protests on Sproul!”
Today was a major testament to the fact that after only four years of getting to know someone, you can one day receive the absolute bare minimum of respect someone should give a human being.