Posted on by: Tohar Zamir

Lost Your Clipper Card? Here’s  4 Phone Numbers We Called That Told Us To Fuck Ourselves

2. The Student Transportation Office: (510) 643-7701
Don’t be fooled by the name– like Voltaire said, “This office is neither for students, nor transportation, nor an office.” There is no telling what response you’ll get – they might replace your lost card, but not without a $25 fee that completely negates the notion of a free bus pass. And if you complain? There’s a tried and true response that they’re not afraid to roll out: “go fuck yourself.”

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Posted on by: Laura Jiaman Hong

Self-Care Hack! Don’t Eat or Sleep or Rest At All Until Your Body Completely Shuts Down

According to the mother of the “sick self-care” movement, student influencer Alyssa Lin, the hack only has one simple step: “Just focus on the other things in life, and your body will manifest its own health,” said Alyssa. “Inner body saunas will raise your temperature to a nice factory reset level, and that’s when your body will take over and make the manual rest.”

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