LOS ANGELES — Thanks to the sensational worldwide Netflix hit Squid Game, our society has completed a full 180, effectively putting an end to the …
Haas Senior Watches Squid Game, Has Innovative Startup Idea
Berkeley, Calif – Haas senior Drew Balzarian struck inspiration while watching Squid Game recently.
“I don’t usually watch TV, I’m too busy checking my Robinhood portfolio and mansplaining venture capital to first year girls I wanna trying to fuck. I don’t know why it’s a movie and not a business model. The dumbass director probably didn’t even care how much money he could make off of this. People keep saying ‘it’s satire,’ but it doesn’t have to be! I have 50 SF VC funds who are interested right now! Jeff Bezos offered to host it on The Moon so we don’t run into the mistakes we saw in the series.”
Cal Announces New Course Enrollment Process
“I can’t share all of the details, but our new plan fundamentally makes class enrollment fairer,” Vice Chancellor of Enrollment Todd Bondy announced in a press release. “We just want to test the true will and desire of students to be enrolled in the classes they want.”