BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley sophomore Maya Paredes admitted to friends and colleagues that she only thinks of classmate Tyler Ebner as a friend, blissfully ignorant of the fact that she serves as the sole basis and inspiration for the incel manifesto he will one day write.
“Tyler? Oh, Tyler from Anthro section. I don’t really know him that well, but we talk before discussion sometimes,” said Paredes, who will be described as a ‘shallow, calculating slut’ and ‘vindictive harpy’ in Ebner’s 120-page diatribe. “He sent me lecture notes when I was sick one time, so that was cool of him. He seems like a nice guy.”
Sources confirmed that Paredes is reportedly in a happy, healthy long-term relationship, and is peacefully unaware of the fact that one day, years down the road, a peripheral figure from her college days will project the sum total of his sexual frustrations on to her as punishment for politely turning down his offer to see Zombieland: Double Tap in theatre.
“Yeah, Maya and I have been dating for like a year now,” said Paredes’ girlfriend, Alex Davis, who will mistakenly be referred to throughout Ebner’s manifesto as ‘Alpha Male Chad Thundercock.’ “She’s great. Who’s Tyler?”
The Free Peach reached out to Mr. Ebner, who will be remanded into federal custody at some point in the semi-distant future after a series of 4chan posts land him on an FBI watchlist. We dipped out after five minutes because he refused to answer our prepared questions and just went off about, like, ‘white genocide,’ and shit.
Fuck Tyler.