Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley
WUHU ISLAND, Pacific Ocean – In a press conference today, Interpol announced that they had located The Clitoris, identified in hiding on Wuhu Island.
“It took a several-years-long effort by many of our top investigators,” relayed Interpol Chief, Dev Inatili-Aman, “but we found it. It was hiding in a cave in [Inatili-Aman is interrupted by snickers from the reporters]. What? What’s so funny?”
BERKELEY, Calif. – As Berkeley students once again struggle with the endless labyrinth that is Dwinelle Hall, one man has emerged champion, remarkably finding his classroom within mere minutes; the location of his girlfriend’s clitoris, however, still remains a mystery.
“It was no big deal,” shrugged a bashful Justin Lawry to a roaring sea of fans. “I sorta stepped through those doors and, I don’t know, I just had a gut feeling. Something deep within my primal instincts almost seemed to sing to me; next thing I know I’m taking a right, another right, a left, another right, another left, walking up two flights of stairs, crawling through the tunnel that connects the north and south wings, taking a left, climbing up a ladder, taking the slide down the other end, and taking another right. Boom. I was there.