ZANTHRON, Ullrstar Galaxy– In an exclusive press conference on Zanthron-67, intergalactic scientists revealed their findings on the baffling medical anomaly occurring on planet Nova-3 (commonly …
‘I Just Want Lower Gas Prices,’ Says Woman Voting for Candidate Who Will Literally Kill Her
“I just can’t deal with having to pay $5.00 a gallon,” Wright explained after casting a vote for a Republican candidate who will not only not lower her gas prices, but will also strip her of Medicare benefits, Social Security, reproductive rights, freedom of expression, and other fundamental human liberties before executing her via firing squad for crimes against God and the state in 2032.
BREAKING: More Midterms
BERKELEY, Calif. — Every registered voter at Cal over the age of 18 has an opportunity to vote by November 8th at 8:00 PM, and …
RECALL ELECTION: Just Check This Box That Says No to Not Never Recalling Newsom and Leave This Other Section Completely Blank and Also
Are you happy with Newsom? Yes? No? There are only two questions on the ballot, but each part requires a multi-step highly-personalized validation process, so make sure to evaluate this ballot with care, or you won’t be fulfilling your God-given right to select an elected official. Want another Democratic governor? Sorry! We have eighteen hundred other Republican candidates lined up for the job that will be placed in a Hunger-Games style lottery to fill Newsom’s position should the election go that way, but definitely don’t fill in that part if you’re a Democrat.