Happy Voting Day, California constituents. The outcome of this recall election will have a significant impact on the future of this state, so the government has taken extra care to ensure that the process runs as efficiently as humanly possible.

The directions are simple: Either turn in your mail-in ballot (which, if you are a college student, was likely mailed to the address you used last year, so make sure to have the name and phone number of the current tenant of your old place of residence so you’re able to retrieve your vote!), or go in-person to a location which has been conveniently advertised around the neighborhood with equal fervor as it would during any other election of this significance.

Next, look over your ballot. Are you happy with Newsom? Yes? No? There are only two questions on the ballot, but each part requires a multi-step highly-personalized validation process, so make sure to evaluate this ballot with care, or you won’t be fulfilling your God-given right to select an elected official. Want another Democratic governor? Sorry! We have eighteen hundred other Republican candidates lined up for the job that will be placed in a Hunger-Games style lottery to fill Newsom’s position should the election go that way, but definitely don’t fill in that part if you’re a Democrat. Also, we’re considering releasing the nuclear codes to the public, but that’s irrelevant to the ballot(ish). Hope this can clear things up for everyone! And remember– a ballot not filled in is a vote for and/or against a potential recall candidate that may or may not be a proponent of (or a sworn enemy to) Newsom.

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