I think I speak for everyone when I say there should be more excuses to drink on a given weekday. Cultural drinking is quite honestly not appreciated enough as a college social institution, and there are far too few opportunities reserved for getting absolutely wasted on a weekday night. I mean it’s not like I am actually productive past 5 pm, why should I reserve that time to be sober and alone with my thoughts? How else can I disguise my uncontrollable dependency to cracking open cold ones with my boys?
Yes, there is Taco Tuesday, Thirsty Thursday, and Friday’s are a given of course, but we shouldn’t leave Monday and Wednesday out of the mix. Just some ideas off the top of my dome are Margs & Martini Mondays or Getting Whisky and Frisky Wednesdays, but I’m open to any other suggestions; we don’t even need to stop at just weekdays or drinking either. The truth of the matter is that the Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race, and the solution to all our loneliness and psychological trouble is as simple as bridging our divided society by joining arms in substance abuse, together.
This is why, next year, I plan on running for ASUC Senator Division of Having a Good Time. This is an issue very pertinent with the wellbeing and general mental-health of the student body. With your vote, we can change this dark and twisted system of only having a select few days of socially acceptable drinking, and instead untap the unlimited potential of binge drinking with a crew. This is the only time in our lives where we can shallowly hide our crippling alcoholism under the guise of college social life. So join me and my campaign in using campus funds to promote more weekday drinking; we have the power to make our campus a better place.