WASHINGTON, D.C. – With only two months to go before President-elect Donald Trump is inaugurated for his second term, he has begun to announce his nominees for his cabinet and beyond. While many of these names are associated with heavy controversy, most are likely to be approved due to the Republican majority in all three branches of the Federal government. The following is the most up to date list of potential Trump-appointees.
Secretary of Transportation:
Barron Trump. As an NYU student, he has potentially heard of the “subway.”
Sekreteary of Edjukayshun:
This position has been scrapped along with the entire department of education.
Secretary of the Treasury:
Bernie Madoff, who pinky promises to “not do any funny business with the money again.”
A 10th Supreme Court Judge, For Shits and Giggles:
David Duke. He already has years of experience wearing a robe, he’ll fit right in.
Surgeon General:
It was a toss up between Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, but ultimately President-elect Trump went with Dr. Pepper
Secretary of State:
It’s actually Marco Rubio. This is real and we just wanted to let you know.
EPA Director:
Aloysius O’Hare, respectable founder and CEO of O’Hare Air.
Secretary of Agriculture:
Who else knows agriculture better than the Green Giant? He’s the biggest proponent of agriculture that Trump can recognize off a grocery store shelf.
Anti-Wokeness Director:
Tucker Carlson, who promised the return of the “sexy” green m&m while salivating.
COVID Czar:
Some guy who’s had active COVID since 2019 and promises to give it to everyone to own the libs.
Meme Czar:
Elon Musk. He says he’ll deport anyone who doesn’t laugh at his “dank memes,” but that might mean deporting the whole country.
Secretary of the Interior:
This roomba vacuum. It cleans up nicely.
Proud Boys Correspondent:
Nick Fuentes. He has plenty of black friends if you don’t know what the word “friend” means!