WHOVILLE – Thousands of Whoville residents gathered in the plaza on a frigid Monday to unveil a new statue honoring local hero, “The Grinch.” The unveiling marks a stunning turnaround for a figure once dwelling in the loftiest recesses of Mount Crumpit.
“On Christmas morning, we were devastated to find everything gone– our tree, gifts, and food. Imagine trying to explain to the kids that they’d be eating Christmas carols for dinner,” one resident Boo Who said. “And then, in the distance, we saw him, a figure hauling a sled bearing exact replacements for everything we’d lost.”
“Our pwayerth were anthwered,” said tech mogul Yoodelee Who, not bothering to look up as he cleaned the statue’s shoe with his tongue. “Our town was blessed with a new olive-skinned god that day. If you can hear me, Grinch, thank you for thaving us.”
Seizing the attention surrounding his newfound status, the Grinch announced his decision to run for mayor of Whoville, using his platform to blame immigrants from the neighboring village for Whoville’s missing Christmas items.
“We need to get back to our roots,” the Grinch declared during his candidacy announcement. “Immigration is ruining the economy. The soaring prices of Who-roasted-beast? That’s directly due to the mass influx from Whatville. And our current mayor is too weak to do anything about it.”
Not everyone, however, was immediately convinced of the Grinch’s qualifications.
“I’ll admit, I was skeptical at first,” said another resident, Woo Who. “He was once arrested for malnourishing and overworking his dog. In a past interview, the Grinch openly said, and I quote, ‘I hate all things Christmas,’ and ‘I want to steal everything in Whoville.’ But, hell, I hate ‘em Whatville migrants so much I’d put a Christmas-hating, animal-abusing thief in office if it means we keep them out.”
After declaring his candidacy, the Grinch quietly reported he would also pardon anyone who may or may not have maybe stolen the presents in the first place.