OAKLAND – After enacting a ban on diversity related statements in their hiring process, the University of California administration has announced that, in order to further appease people who call minorities “DEI hires,” they will take the moderate apolitical step to restrict jobs to “whites only.”
“I think we went a little too far with equity in the past and now we’re just having a minor course correction,” explained UC President of Human Resources and Bill Maher fan Hait Spiek. “Here in California, we often trap ourselves in a liberal bubble, causing us to ignore valuable insights from across the aisle. Sure, you may see ‘whites only’ and think that’s ‘regressive’ and ‘insanely racist.’ But what you need to realize is that this will help us expand the diversity of thought by increasing the number of racists in our organization.”
While many felt this action went too far, Turning Point USA club member Ray Syst felt his voice was still unheard.
“They keep trying to silence us but one day, the silent majority will no longer be silent,” he yelled at passersby on Sproul with a record high of two other members with him. “While we’re content with this new anti-woke rule, the UC needs to do the same with the students and residents of the city of Berkeley. Every time I walk out in public, I am assaulted by melanin, food with seasoning, and scary non-European cultures. It just rattles me to my core that they could be plotting right now to systematically oppress us and terrorize our communities. But also, when we did that, it’s because that’s just how history works, and we’re more powerful so they should just move on.”
Following this new hiring policy, the University of California announced they would dedicate a plaque to their brave trailblazer employees who pushed for equality and diversity before they were fired for being minorities.