BERKELEY, Calif– Campus was in utter disarray this past Saturday when a large protest took over the area surrounding Evans Hall, headed by emerging campus group: CUCK. Sources within the group explained that the acronym stands for Cal Ugly Coalition. The organization reportedly added the K at the end to make the acronym work better. It does not.
Reporters spoke to several protesters who explained the purpose of the call to action. One such protester, Poli Sci major Josh Josherson, appeared distressed as he yelled over the crowd: “If this is how the University treats its ugly buildings, imagine what they are going to do to their ugly students. You see, it’s this concept called a ‘slippery slope’. You wouldn’t get it, but a slippery slope is when a powerful organization does one dangerous action which gives way to other dangerous actions.”
While one might assume that the percentage of students willing to join a club openly boasting its representation of ugly people is low, CUCK is actually a fairly popular student group at Cal. Several notable alumni have come out as past members of the club, including Steve Wozniak and Aaron Rodgers.
The protest lasted several hours, and included speeches made by prominent members of the club. The president, amidst roaring cheers from the crowd, made a speech outlining CUCK’s distaste with the university’s decision to tear down Evans Hall. In a dramatic conclusion, he began a lively chant, “Get up! Get down! There’s an ugly movement in this town!” The chant soon caught on, but became muddled as it made its way through the crowd. Dozens of protesters sympathetic to the cause could be heard yelling “Get down! Get down! There’s an ugly member of this crowd!”
While reporters with cameras did show up to document the event, once they arrived on the scene and witnessed some Evans sympathizers, they elected not to film for fear that they may lose viewers.