BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley Haas recently announced an approved plan to repurpose the People’s Park Project into a state-of-the-art data center. The land was recently bought in a joint venture by Meta, Google, Amazon, Nvidia and Palantir , which was granted a 50 year tax exemption by the mayor’s office in order to attract the hyperscalers.
As part of the agreement, UC Berkeley students will get free professional subscriptions for SuperGrok, though professors have already outlawed its use in class.
“We are so excited that this new frontier of AI development will take place in Berkeley,” said regular UC Berkeley student Beff Jezos. “I personally am thrilled at the prospect of the constant noise, which will drive the dirty homeless away from our pristine campus. Excuse me, I mean the dirty unhoused population.”
While some have raised concerns about the displacement of unhoused individuals and the critical lack of university housing, a campus wide email dispelled all concerns by calling protestors chinese spies who want the death of America and reminding students to “think of the shareholder value this would add.”
At the latest city council meeting, residents expressed concern for their energy bills, water quality, environmental damage and neighborhood culture. City council however, limited public comment to 10 minutes, granting each speaker four seconds to express their concerns.
“I wouldn’t say that if I were you,” Berkeley Mayor Sir. Vail Lance said in response to a peaceful commenter. “As we speak, our Flock cameras are tracking your license plate. Better make sure you don’t speed going home!”
Following the immense success of gateway and the anticipated success of the new People’s Park data center, other campus buildings are being re-examined for use in “technology of the future”. Proposals have been made for buildings that house useless majors like Anthropology and Art Practice Building to be converted into “Entrance,” UC Berkeley’s second-most premiere AI hub.
BAMPFA has also been proposed to be replaced with an innovative concrete parking lot to be used exclusively for Waymos and Tesla’s new Cybercabs. The feasibility of these programs is questionable however, as all of the blueprints are AI generated.