Dethroned?! Lexapro and Lactaid Beat Weed for Most Used Drug at Cal, New Survey Reports

“The chugging was insane!” exclaimed Ri, white froth still clinging to her upper lip. “This was the exact release we all needed. After the excruciating Fall semester I had, I doubled my milligrams of Lexapro. Between you and me, I sneak an extra 10 millies in every night as well. All my fears and assignments just melt away, and I don’t even need my bong anymore!” 

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5. The Company Recruiting Info Sessions in Soda Hall

Go to Wozniak Lounge in Soda Hall around 5-6 pm on a random weekday and chances are a startup or medium-sized tech company will be giving away free food, t-shirts, and boba to lure starry-eyed computer science students into selling their souls and working for them. Walk up to a recruiter and say something about how machine learning, blockchain, cryptocurrency, and NFTs can create world peace and collect your well-deserved free Banh Mi or pizza slice. Maybe corporations ARE your friend!