I was having another dreary morning as I forced my dumpy ass to trudge all the way up to fucking Etcheverry for a discussion section. …
Berkeley Consulting Replaces Interviews with “Naked and Afraid” Style Game Show
DEEP IN THE WOODS NEXT TO VLSB, Calif. – Berkeley Consulting has unveiled a new, state-of-the-art recruitment format by hosting their first annual “Stripped for …
Opinion: What the Fuck is a Coffee Chat???
My friends and family may describe me as a “satire writer,” but this time, I’m being completely serious: what the fuck is a coffee chat? …
Man Realizes ‘Situationship’ is Not a Consulting Club Term
BERKELEY, Calif. — A shocking revelation struck Sproul Plaza this afternoon when certified “label-hater” Noah Stringson, attempting to reconcile with his pseudo-girlfriend, discovered that the …
Student Blown Away by Consulting Club Promo
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid the buzz and crowds of tabling at UC Berkeley, eyewitnesses on Tuesday reported Berkeley freshman Otis Jennings flying approximately ten feet …
JPMorgan Exec Replaced by Pre-Haas Freshman in Berkeley Consulting
JPMorgan Vice President of Business Operation and Strategy Chuck Price announced plans to step down this past weekend, following the recent trend of older JPMorgan execs resigning to make way for newer, out-of-the-box thinkers.
“I know this might come as a shock,” reported Price, “but I have an excellent replacement lined up: Cal pre-Haas freshman Doug Doolittle. Despite stiff requirements and stiffer competition, Mr. Doolittle has managed to land a coveted spot in one of UC Berkeley’s most prestigious consulting clubs, Berkeley Consulting. I know the critics will spear me for giving my job to a freshman while I retire to the Cayman Islands, but moving from Berkeley Consulting to JPMorgan was simply the next logical step for this young man.”