HELLICON VALLEY, Underworld — In response to plummeting gluttony and pride caused by high inflation, the Devil has released soul applications for graduating seniors.
OPINION: Bancroft Runs From North to South
Recently I was walking down Sproul recently with a friend and they mentioned that they live on the Southside of campus. I naturally got super excited — I didn’t know anyone who lived near Shattuck!
Then they had the audacity to tell me that what I thought was Southside was actually West. Um, what? I don’t understand how some people got into this school. I also don’t understand how they physically get here. Everyone learns in elementary school that North on the map points up, meaning the highest point of elevation. I mean I walk on Bancroft and can just tell that walking towards I-House is north, and towards the RSF is south. Bancroft is vertical. It goes north to south. It’s just an innate part of my sense of direction.
Entirety of US Surveillance State Gears Up for Upcoming CS 70 Final
BERKELEY, Calif. – With an eye turned toward looming final exams, Berkeley EECS administrators held a press conference Tuesday regarding their proctoring policy: “I’m sure …
Transfer Student from Alabama Claims F in CS70 “Just a Quality Loss”
“To be honest, we knew [Sabin]’s whole ‘quality loss’ thing was a crock of shit,” the advisor said. “But he’s polite, he understands basic hygiene, and his parents have donated $100,000 to the department every semester since he transferred here.”