BERKELEY, Calif.–– On Saturday, April 4th, inside sources leaked the plans of a partnership between Yogurt Park and the vape company, Geek Bar. Offering the …
President Trump Investigates UC Berkeley, Cites “it just feels gay”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the recent TPUSA Stand Up Show-Charlie Kirk memorial hybrid, President Trump announced a list of schools he plans to target next, …
OPINION: Everyone Except Me Should Stop Raising Their Hand in Lecture
While not a professional yapper myself, I do dabble in endeavors like these, where I write on Instagram for attention, so I feel qualified enough …
Stanford Medical School Loses Key Funding After Grad Student Fucks up Brussels Conference
STANFORD, Calif. — Stanford University School of Medicine’s recent $55 million dollar donation is in jeopardy following gross misconduct of a graduate student at the …
Parents Urging You to Take Better Care of Yourself Definitely After Your Organs
“A few years ago, I gave my dad one of my kidneys… the worst mistake of my life. I gave him a taste of low blood-toxicity, and ever since he’s been fiending for my second one. I don’t know what to do now. Last week he sent me an article claiming that ‘dialysis isn’t so bad’ and how I would ‘get on perfectly fine’ with ‘no functioning kidneys at all…’ Some days I catch him staring longingly at my abdomen, occasionally licking his lips with this terrifying glint in his eyes. I should have never gotten him hooked.”