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Month: March 2022

Posted on March 4, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

Campus Disavows Violence, Except for 1945 in Japan, 2001-Present in Guantanamo, 1966 in Indonesia, at Career Fairs, and in Memorial Stadium When It’s Profitable

BERKELEY, Calif. — The University of California, Berkeley officially denounced all violence, save for several cherry-picked exceptions, in a recent public statement. “The University of …

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Posted on March 3, 2022 by: Tohar Zamir

Supply Chain in Crisis After My Friend’s Fake Got Folded

BERKELEY, Calif.–In an unprecedented shock to the undergrad economy, the goody-two-shoes bouncer at Cornerstone folded my friend’s fake. “The ramifications for the free trade of …

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Posted on March 1, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Hypocrite Complaining About Air Quality Continues to Breathe

BERKELEY, Calif. — In a flagrant act of self-contradiction, local hypocrite Cassandra Liu continued to inhale oxygen through her nose while making a complaint about …

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