BERKELEY, Calif.–In an unprecedented shock to the undergrad economy, the goody-two-shoes bouncer at Cornerstone folded my friend’s fake.

“The ramifications for the free trade of Pink Whitney and Mike’s Hard Lemonade is more dramatic than any we’ve seen before,” freshman intended economics major Tay Kapuf explained to his ECON 1 discussion group as part of an assignment. “Everyone’s focusing on the international sanctions affecting Russia for this homework, but what about the sanctions Trader Joes have implemented? Two-Buck-Chuck has become EIGHT-BUCK-CHUCK and I can’t even get it! We used to be a real country…”

Independent sources have provided secondary analysis on the folded ID.

“With twenty years experience in spotting counterfeits, I can say: it was mad sus,” opined Berkeley’s administration of Trade, Imbibement and Transport Of Spirits (TITOS) spokesperson Faye Gname. “It looked like a Legoland Driver’s License.”

When asked to comment, the perpetrating student expressed remorse.

“I shouldn’t have done it! I shouldn’t have skimped on the ID,” the student lamented. “It thought it was fool-proof anyway — I even had my date of birth as April 20th, 1969 so nobody would question if I was underage!” 

At press time, El Talpense (formerly Celia’s) on Northside was still not carding for margaritas.

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