Great. You’ve done it again. Another year of acting like I don’t exist. What do you call it again? A “leap” year? I’m literally 5’6”, I don’t have to JUMP to get your attention. Isn’t it enough that there are only 29 of us instead of 30? Now there are tWentY EiGhT dAyS cLeAr in February. I’m just so tired of being as invisible as the first ‘R’ in February — I’m the reason y’all have Ja Rule, and by you mean assholes’ standards, he’s 11 years old. 

I’ve been picked on for every interval of four years in my life until I randomly get treated like a king for an entire year named after me. Apparently, the world can have an International Nose Picking Day and a Public Sleeping Day, but Leap Day is just oh-so-rare. Wanna know things that are less rare than me being noticed?

To start with, blue moons. “Once in a blue moon” my ass. There are usually two blue moons before y’all decide it’s time to give me a chance. Next—solar eclipses. There are like three of them visible on Earth before it’s time to treat me like a real man. There are even like 18,000 new species of animals being discovered every year, and I can’t get a text back. Don’t get me started on FUCKING 11:11. Are you SERIOUS? 11:11 happens TWICE a day. And y’all make a WISH like it’s a special beautiful amazing rare genie every single time. I get noticed twice a decade, and the only other time is when a computer science class is trying to calculate via Python whether an input year is a year humans decided to treat me with basic decency.

I don’t know what happened to the Golden Rule, or what possessed you to think it’d be okay to ignore me for four years at a time. This all feels like some YouTube prank, and I’m waiting for it to end. Why don’t we just skip March 1st instead? Everyone knows the first of the month is such a snob and gets all the attention every single month. Or how about April? Wouldn’t it be a great April Fool’s to just not have an April 1st?

Anyway, shoutout to all my neglected short kings. We’ll get through this together. And happy birthday, Ja Rule.

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