BERKELEY, Calif. — Local man Arthur Boisely displayed an extraordinary lack of self-awareness last Friday when he remarked that “women can’t make jokes” despite being a prime example of female-produced comedy.
“I’m sorry, but women can’t make jokes,” Boisely declared in an unsolicited comment at the bottom of a female comedian’s Instagram reel. “Like, is this supposed to be funny? I get more laughs from simply opening my mouth in public than this lady gets in her entire set. Hell, I get more laughs from simply showing my face in public! In fact, other people are always laughing around me, even when I’m not telling jokes, for some odd reason.”
Those close to Boisely confirm that they find his existence highly amusing.
“Every time I’m feeling down about myself and my life, I get an instant boost of confidence from looking at [Boisely] and realizing that I’m not the biggest loser out here,” said Boisely’s MCB104 classmate Kayla Mulligan. “This guy literally spends the entire lecture scrolling through Instagram and commenting ‘not funny’ under every reel featuring a female comedian. I used to think I was extremely insecure, but [Boisely] takes that shit to a whole ‘nother level. I applaud the brilliant, twisted, comic genius who came up with this ridiculous excuse for a human being.”
Boisely’s mother—the ‘brilliant, twisted, comic genius’ in question—offered her own explanation for why she raised her son to be a total fucking joke.
“Honestly, after my first three kids went on to become a doctor, a lawyer, and a celebrity zoologist respectively, I decided I’d switch things up and have some fun with the fourth one,” Mrs. Boisely said while popping a tray of Arthur’s favorite food (Totino’s pizza rolls) into the oven. “To turn Arthur into the hilariously insufferable prick he is today, I simply gave him access to Reddit at age twelve and waited for the magic to happen. He started off by making the standard jokes about Amy Schumer being a bad comedian (which, to be fair, she kinda is) but quickly spiraled into full-blown misogyny. For some reason, he thinks he’s a George Carlin fan, even though he hasn’t watched a single Carlin bit aside from ‘Seven Words You Can’t Say on TV’ and is the epitome of everything Carlin would have hated. I thought about showing him some of Carlin’s material on abortion rights, consumerism, or the corporatization of America, but then I realized it was way funnier to let Arthur go through life completely misunderstanding his supposed idol.”
At press time, Boisely was commenting “This is so funny I forgot to laugh” under the Instagram post for this article.