BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal Junior and self-proclaimed “Female Fanatic” Cy Lencer left the women in his Political Economy class in awe this past Tuesday morning after providing them all with a one-of-a-kind gift: his opinion. Sources say the professor’s “take space make space” philosophy went out the window once Lencer decided during their feminist theory discussion that he too had a Ph.D. in Gender and Women’s Studies.

“It’s just so horrible what women have to go through in their day-to-day lives,” mused Lencer, cutting off the female classmate we were trying to interview. “As a man who values women for more than their bodies, I took it upon myself to share all the struggles women go through. Many of them seemed hesitant to share, holding up their hand and waiting for the professor to call on them, but I did not let this stop me from shouting out and sharing lived experiences for them. But don’t worry, I have a friend who’s a woman, so I get it.”

Another man in the class who followed Lencer’s brave lead in monopolizing the conversation, Ignacio “Ig” Nourrent, explained how his angle of the conversation was purely educational.

“I believe my understanding of misogyny is complete, and now it’s my turn to educate my peers on the way society really works,” explained Nourrent. “In class, I detailed how women are beautiful creatures, but they have their own roles in society. 82 cents is basically the same as a dollar anyway, and it’s not my fault they’re better at cleaning than I am!”

Classmate Maxine Barns explained it was clear that Nourrent hadn’t cleaned anything, including himself, in a while. As a showerer herself, Barns was surprised Nourrent hadn’t invested his extra 18 cents into a bar of soap, or a wipe even.

When asked about her additional thoughts on this wild Tuesday discussion, Barns explained, “I’m rarely able to contribute to conversations regarding my own identity, but I sure am learning a lot. Yesterday in my City Planning class, a boy explained to me why those trash cans in each restroom stall are so important. Up until now, I just thought they were little iPhone holders just for me! It’s not like I ever used the trash can for any other purpose before. Thank god we have these men to explain it.”

At press time, Lencer was attempting to empathize with the female classmates, making sure to include that he was 6’2” and can bench 225 lbs. 

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