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Posted on May 14, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Crowd Cheers as Acoustic Guitar Players Fight for Dominance of the Glade

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Author: Valmic Mukund

Posted on May 13, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

CNR Student Celebrates Graduation by Bidding Final Farewell to the Environment

BERKELEY, Calif. — Conservation and Resource Studies major Clark Morrison celebrated his graduation from the Rausser College of Natural Resources on Sunday by bidding a …

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Posted on May 11, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

“This Is Literally 1984!” Cries Conservative Who Would Prefer to Take Us Back to the Dark Ages

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking but also entirely unsurprising decision, the self-described ‘apolitical institution’ that is the Supreme Court of the United States has …

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Posted on May 5, 2022May 5, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Top Ten Pirate Shanties to Listen to This Argh Argh Argh Week

Ahoy, ye blue-and-yellow-bellied scallywags! Argh Argh Argh week is upon us! Lest ye wish to walk the plank, celebrate by belting out these festive shanties …

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Posted on April 27, 2022April 27, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store

BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …

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Posted on April 23, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Elon Musk Celebrates Earth Day By Leaving

BOCA CHICA, Texas — Forgoing his usual performative grandstanding, Elon Musk has decided to permanently end his contribution to the climate crisis by jettisoning himself …

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Posted on April 19, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Disappointing Dick Pic Made Palatable by Beautiful Cherry Blossoms in Background

BERKELEY, Calif. — Sophomore Richard Hardman relieved himself from the embarrassment of a less-than-impressive dick pic last Saturday by framing his penis in front of …

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Posted on April 9, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Fowl Play? Grinnell’s “Accidental Death” Linked to the Clintons

BERKELEY, Calif.— “I have information that will lead to the arrest of William J. Clinton.” These are the last known words of Grinnell, the beloved …

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Posted on April 2, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Reconciling With April Fools’ Day’s Problematic Depictions of Fool Culture

At The Free Peach, we love April Fools’ Day as much as anyone. Many of our staff are self-identifying fools and/or fool allies, and we …

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Posted on March 28, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Will Smith Finally Tired of Other Men Screaming Out His Wife’s Name

LOS ANGELES — At this year’s Academy Awards, Will Smith open-hand smacked Chris Rock in an attempt to defend his much-publicized marriage to actress Jada …

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Posted on March 25, 2022March 25, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Lindsey Graham Faces Bipartisan Backlash After Advocating for His Own Assassination on Twitter

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., received bipartisan backlash after he seemingly advocated his own assassination. “My fellow loyal patriots — I urge you …

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