If you’re anything like me (an “Ok, but first, coffee” soul trapped in a lactose-intolerant body) you’re always in search of the next toilet. But with inflation as high as it is, it’s easier to get into Kip’s these days than a cafe bathroom.
It seems like you either have to spend $7 on a grainy matcha or threaten to shit on top of a table before the cashier grants you access to the ceramic throne.
So I’ve compiled a list of the most popular cafe bathroom codes and helpful tips to remember them. Whether you are a cheap crapper, a socially anxious sullager, or just a serial shitter, I got your back.
As of November 2024, here are the codes:
1. Peet’s Coffee on Telegraph Avenue
Code: 3421*
Memorization Tip: Think of it as your morning routine: 3 sips of iced coffee before remembering you 4got 2 sub for oat milk and 1 urgent dash to take a sh*t.
2. Cafe Milano on Bancroft Way
Code: The horse’s name is Friday
Tip: When answering the riddle, try not to make eye contact with the troll guarding the door. It’ll put you in an eternal slumber.
3. Philz Coffee on College Avenue
Code: 5698
Memorization Tip: Make a song out of it called “five six nine eight.” That way, you can use your beautiful voice to impress all the baristas and distract them from the fact that you never actually bought anything.
Now you might be wondering what I, a girl, could possibly know about bathrooms and such. Contrary to popular belief, girls do in fact poop (albeit only rainbows and flowers,) so when I give you not only the codes but also helpful tips for remembering them, shut up and say thank you.
4. Qargo Coffee on Telegraph Avenue
Tip: Don’t bother; the bathroom is and always will be out of order.
5. 1951 Coffee on Channing Way
Code: 12345
Memorization Tip: If you can’t memorize this one, I really can’t help you.
Bonus: Chipotle on Telegraph Ave.
Code: 4294
Memorization Tip: Remember Chinese philosopher Laozi’s quote: “Those who skimp on scoops of chicken, get their bathroom code of 4294 leaked”
Hurry now! Before the managers find out about this article and change them.
Up next: List of cafe Wifi Passwords.