BERKELEY, Calif. – This Saturday, many Berkeley and Stanford students alike will gather to root for their respective football teams to win the Big Game. However, a growing coalition of nerds completely unaware of the sport of football will be sitting back on their couch to tune into Netflix’s Arcane series finale.
“In case you were wondering, Arcane is the animated series based off of League of Legends about two sisters who find themselves in an escalating conflict between the rich, upper class city of Piltover and the downtrodden, oppressed undercity of Zaun, and who must find a way to fight both the forces that keep them apart, and to mend the rift that has come between their two homes. Or at least, that’s what someone told me. I don’t know. I don’t watch cartoons, those are for babies,” explained CS major who hasn’t been outside in three days, Vincent Shutin.
“It’s the culmination of two seasons, and nearly three years of waiting!” says one bum who can’t be bothered to pony up $400 for a game ticket to watch two almost-equally mid football teams fight it out in the rain and cold on a Saturday afternoon.
Official ASUC Ambassador to the Nerds Hurd Nurd explained further.
“Unfortunately, this coalition is boosted by the fact that there is an unusually high number of League of Legends players present at Berkeley. As Arcane draws much of its source material from the lore surrounding League of Legends, so too does it draw in many of its fans hoping to see an actually competent writing staff do something with literally decades of the most random scattered lore known to man. Apparently the correlation between being in high ELO and being a successful student despite their gaming addiction is quite high.”
In fact, some have decided to not even pregame the show, in what must be a show of total defiance of traditionally honored day’s cycles.
“I know the day’s supposed to begin with getting blackout drunk at 9:00 am, sobering up during the game from 12:30 to 4:00 pm, and then getting blackout drunk again from 5:00 to 12:00 in celebration or humiliation. However, I want to be totally sober when I watch the Caitlyn and Vi sex scene,” said one local lesbian and another local but much stranger straight man. “I want the emotions to wash over me and send me into the astral plane, like Viktor and Sky when they got absorbed by the hexcore.”
In a beautiful show of togetherness and overcoming differences, reports have subsequently emerged that a coalition has emerged of nerds and football fans who will watch both events simultaneously like a TikTok with the Subway Surfers gameplay underneath.