BERKELEY, Calif. – This Saturday, many Berkeley and Stanford students alike will gather to root for their respective football teams to win the Big Game. …
After COVID Vaccine, Cal Wide Receiver Can’t Catch Anything
After Cal’s devastating loss to the Nevada Wolf Pack, it has become apparent that the COVID-19 vaccine has prevented wide receiver Wayne Johnson from catching anything.
“I knew that getting vaccinated would prevent me from catching COVID, but I didn’t know the effects of the vaccine would be so weird,” reported Wayne as he dropped a frisbee. “After I got vaccinated my work schedule started having back to back shifts. I can’t catch a break. I’ve also been blanking on what people say after ‘Go’ at Berkeley. I think it starts with a B but my catchphrase knowledge is out the window.”
Cal Zero Waste 2020 Finally Succeeds After Students Abandon Campus Amidst COVID-19
BERKELEY, Calif.— “We finally did it!” The heads of Cal Zero Waste 2020 have declared victory. Zero waste has finally been achieved. I recently had …
Improv Team Member Proves Worth Through Cameo on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
After many uncomfortable months of seeking validation, an improv actor at the University of California, Berkeley named Katie Jones has proved her worth through making …
Congrats on Getting into Cal! Can You Make it Through Your Freshman Year Without Getting Gout?
Congratulations, you’ve been accepted to UC Berkeley, the #1 public university in the world! Get ready for a year of learning, growth, and lifelong memories. But be careful, you wouldn’t want to sully your first year of college with a common form of inflammatory arthritis that causes severe pain, redness, and tenderness in your joints. So let’s see- can you make it through your freshman year without getting gout?
If Wrestlers Went To Cal
In honor of that, let’s take a look at some wrestlers who’ll be in those events and try to imagine what they’d be like if they went to Cal.
Listen: What Did You Expect? (by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences)
Okay, okay. So you’re all upset that we gave Green Book the Oscar for Best Picture. Hell, some of our members here at the Academy probably are too. But before you throw a temper tantrum, just listen:
What did you expect?
KA Guy Does Push Ups at Zete Party to Impress Girls
Whether it was truly genius, or merely the weed he smoked earlier, Earnhardt’s idea changed the world of Cal Greek Life.
Local Man’s Kink for Emotional Negligence Tearing Relationship Apart
“The second you said you loved me I got, like, super turned off.”
The Next Steve Jobs? The Founder of This Tech Start-Up Is Dead
“That being said, we are immensely proud of Travis’ accomplishments in achieving at the age of 34 what Steve Jobs could not even achieve until 56.”