Congratulations, you’ve been accepted to UC Berkeley, the #1 public university in the world! Get ready for a year of learning, growth, and lifelong memories. But be careful, you wouldn’t want to sully your first year of college with a common form of inflammatory arthritis that causes severe pain, redness, and tenderness in your joints. So let’s see- can you make it through your freshman year without getting gout?
In honor of that, let’s take a look at some wrestlers who’ll be in those events and try to imagine what they’d be like if they went to Cal.
Okay, okay. So you’re all upset that we gave Green Book the Oscar for Best Picture. Hell, some of our members here at the Academy probably are too. But before you throw a temper tantrum, just listen:
What did you expect?
Whether it was truly genius, or merely the weed he smoked earlier, Earnhardt’s idea changed the world of Cal Greek Life.
“The second you said you loved me I got, like, super turned off.”
“That being said, we are immensely proud of Travis’ accomplishments in achieving at the age of 34 what Steve Jobs could not even achieve until 56.”
Despite the fact that literally, no one asked, and that it’s week fucking three, Sherman Oaks’ finest continued to remind her peers she was from somewhere people are usually gentrified out of living in.
So for all of you out there who are tuning in to listen to the mind-numbing, presumably incomprehensible string of words, here’s a drinking game to kill your brain cells just a little bit faster than listening to Rudy Giuliani talking would.
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