After Cal’s devastating loss to the Nevada Wolf Pack, it has become apparent that the COVID-19 vaccine has prevented wide receiver Wayne Johnson from catching anything. 

“I knew that getting vaccinated would prevent me from catching COVID, but I didn’t know the effects of the vaccine would be so weird,” reported Wayne as he dropped a frisbee. “After I got vaccinated my work schedule started having back to back shifts. I can’t catch a break. I’ve also been blanking on what people say after ‘Go’ at Berkeley. I think it starts with a B but my catchphrase knowledge is out the window.”

Wayne’s brother, Blane Johnson, elaborated on the receiver’s condition. 

“I don’t know why he thinks the vaccine’s surprise side effects are a curse,” said Blane. “His voice has gotten like three times deeper since his balls keep dropping. He also is excused from school because it is impossible for him not to drop a class. Plus Wayne used to always complain that he was too scared to put out his mixtape but he finally had the courage to drop it and it is absolutely amazing. Wayne not being able to catch anything is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

At press time, Wayne was rejecting the last in a long line of suitors who he couldn’t catch feelings for. 

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