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Posted on May 15, 2023 by: amychakladar

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Author: amychakladar

Posted on April 10, 2023April 11, 2023 by: amychakladar

Oopsies! Cal Admissions Accidentally Accepts YOU

In a stunning turn of events, the University of California, Berkeley, has made a groundbreaking error in its admissions process. The prestigious institution accidentally admitted you, a regular student, instead of the usual line-up of geniuses, valedictorians, taekwondo red belts, and future Nobel Prize winners. 

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Posted on November 7, 2022December 15, 2022 by: amychakladar

US Loses Brazilian Presidential Election

São Paulo, Brazil – In a highly contested election, the United States has officially lost its re-election to Lula de Silva, despite multiple destabilization efforts, …

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Posted on October 14, 2022October 17, 2022 by: amychakladar

​​‘Over-Caffeinated’ Student Hasn’t Had Any Coffee Today; Just Anxious

Third year Rylie Brantford was spotted by friends while frantically rushing to class. She apologized for her frazzled state as she ran past, explaining she was just “over-caffeinated.”  In an exclusive interview, Rylie revealed she hasn’t had an ounce of caffeine today.

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Posted on April 27, 2022April 27, 2022 by: amychakladar

Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store

BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …

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Posted on March 28, 2022April 22, 2022 by: amychakladar

If Babies Aren’t Racist, Then Why Didn’t They Post a Black Square on Instagram?

WASHINGTON – Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, the self-described first Hispanic Asian-American in Congress, is under heat for asking Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson …

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Posted on February 19, 2022December 15, 2022 by: amychakladar

Berkeley Mask Mandate Reinstated After Seeing Your Face

BERKELEY, Calif. — After extensive pushback from the local community relating to concerns of corneal damage after seeing your face, the UC Berkeley administration has …

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Posted on February 1, 2022March 5, 2022 by: amychakladar

Class No Longer Optional

BERKELEY, Calif. — To the dismay of Cal students, University Chancellor Carol Christ has  officially ended the two-week extension of Winter Break and announced that …

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Posted on January 8, 2022 by: amychakladar

Carol Christ Throws It Back

BERKELEY, Calif. — In an unprecedented turn of precedented events, Chancellor Christ has announced that classes will be online for the first two weeks of …

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Posted on November 23, 2021November 23, 2021 by: amychakladar

Fuck, There Went All Our “We Lost” Jokes

STANFORD, Calif.- Despite the best efforts of the Stanford Football Team and COVID-19, somehow the Bears clutched a narrow 41-11 victory this weekend.  “I just …

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