BERKELEY, Calif.– UC Berkeley administrative staff shocked hopeless undergraduates this afternoon by walking back their alumni email cancellation. Defending the decision, Berkeley spokesperson Janet Gilmore …
Top Religious Authorities Rule that Shabbat Electronics Ban Doesn’t Apply to IDF
JERUSALEM — In the midst of the IDF’s continued onslaught of Gazan civilians on Saturday, top religious authorities have found that bombing men, women, and …
Oh God, Guy on Ed Very Obviously a Reddit User
BERKELEY, Calif. – Hysteria arose amongst students in PUBPOL 101 when news broke that their peer Nick Beard was an active Reddit user, as determined …
Chancellor Christ Vows to Keep Berkeley’s Historic Free Speech Legacy Historical
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following student protests outside of a planned event featuring anti-Palestinian speaker and IDF soldier Ran Bar-Yoshafat, Chancellor Carol Christ sent an email to the …
Report: It’s Not Cold Enough for a Scarf but You Do Look Nice
BERKELEY, Calif. – With stormy weather sweeping the state of California over the past weeks, residents dealing with uncharacteristic below-60-degree temperatures are reporting an influx …
Sorry About All the Construction, Phineas and Ferb Are Building a Rollercoaster
BERKELEY, Calif. — Students returning to campus after break have been greeted by a constant jackhammering of Bancroft Way (possibly sponsored by the anti-public transit …
BART Unveils New Plan to Prevent Turnstile Hoppers Through Use of Fearsome Troll
BERKELEY, Calif. – On January 11th, 2024, BART announced a new plan to thwart pesky turnstile hoppers through the employment of a blood-curdling, spine-chilling troll …
Opinion: Increase Berkeley Time to 15 Minutes Because I’m Really Out of Shape
BERKELEY, Calif. – In this revolutionary opinion piece, I am officially calling for the university to increase Berkeley time from ten to fifteen minutes. The …
‘Listen to Black Voices!’ Says White Man With Dreadlocks
FREMONT, Calif. – Black History Month has inspired conversations on Black issues—especially on how to best serve and represent the community. To see the range …
Coffee Chat Followed by Bathroom Break
BERKELEY, Calif. — In the midst of recruiting for clubs, sophomore Krispen Kreamer followed her coffee chat with a bathroom break. Outside the bathroom at …