Are you a socially awkward former “AP Scholar” who wants everyone to know how annoying you are? Worry not: here are a few things to …
Shocking: Homer’s ‘The Odyssey’ Plagiarized from Doe Women’s Restroom Graffiti
BERKELEY, Calif.– In the most shocking revelation since Sappho having more than just “gal pals,” anthropology researchers found that Homer’s so-called “original” (The Odyssey) was …
Considerate Biden Drops Out Only 8 Months Too Late
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After weeks of debate regarding President Biden’s mental sharpness and ability to formulate basic sentences without sounding like a 400-year-old corpse, he …
Sorry! This Article is Under Construction, Please Go Around
BERKELEY, Calif. — Amidst the pandemonium of the final days of class and flocks of visiting families, local adminsiKt5984Fsadk$&3lxjwh[THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. THIS …
Moffitt Removes Smoking Section
BERKELEY, Calif.– As part of his early plans to modernize campus grounds, Chancellor-elect Richard Lyons’ has announced the removal of Moffitt’s smoking section by Fall …
‘Your Pussy Flaps are Out!’ and Four Other Empowering Things to Tell Your Friend Wearing Their Shortest Mini-Skirt
We’ve all been there. You’re out on the town with your girls gays and theys rocking your skankiest outfit on the same day that you …
Frequently Referenced ‘Local Man’ Decides to Move
TERRA INCOGNITA, Calif.— Daily life in the small community of Terra Incognita has been completely uprooted after resident community member, myth, legend, hero, and sometimes …
Student Accused of Plagiarism Cites Right to Reproductive Freedom
BERKELEY, Calif. – A student accused of submitting a plagiarized Constitutional Law midterm is fighting the accusation by citing what she calls “her right to …
Kid Who Coughed During Midterm Burned at the Stake
BERKELEY, Calif. – At noon on Friday, April 26th, students gathered in front of Doe Library for Berkeley’s 4th-weirdest event, the burning of Kian Hess, …
Student Can Pay Attention to Two Hour Riverdale Video Essay but Not Her Sociology Lecture
BERKELEY, Calif. — Tuesday morning, Media Studies student Karina Jansen was shocked to discover that watching a two-hour long video essay titled “How Riverdale Changed …